i know...

hmm..

when u need my money, u're soo damn sweet..

when u don't, u call mie 1001 names..

not only that, u even cursed mie..

well.. i know..

im your walking bank..

'annoying' ...

'irritating'...

'bitch'...

3 hurting words that u always tweet...

have u ever wished that this 'annoying, irritating bitch' will leave u...?

just like that...

let u have the chance of being 'the only son'...?

hmm..

if u ever wished this to happen, i really do hope that ur wish will come true..

may b not today, not tomorrow, but soon..

before im involved in any commitment..

relationships, work..

right now, i'm on my own..

so, if anything happens to mie, i can go peacefully...

no matter what, i still love you..

you're the only brother that i have..

the only sibling..

but i could feel that u don't treasure mie..

like how i treasure u...

soon enough, there'll be no one who will bother u anymore..

but i hope that u'll make our parents proud of u..

i've done my part, now it's ur turn..

goodbye and take care.. :)

what more can i say...

well..
today it's just a whirl load of feelings..
it's a swing that I can't even take it..
seriously..
but seriously serious, I don't know why my own sibling just seems to dislike mie, and may b he even hates mie...
i've been constantly being called a 'bitch'...
and somehow, I feel like as if my presence seems to be a bother to him..
well, what more can I do...
my life is still long..
but I do hope that God will shorten it..
so that I won't be a bother to him anymore..
yup, ANYMORE..
think that's the time that he'll appreciate mie just the way that everyone, yearns to be appreciated..
the time that he has no one to call a 'bitch'..
no one that will ask him 'hey let's go out with mie'...
no one that will ask him 'hey what're u doing'..
no one that will disturb him when he's on the phone with his gurlf or while he's playing game...
totally... NO ONE...

i fail to understand...

this happened yesterday...

when the 3 of us decided to sit somewhere and talk..

like kind of a 'heart to heart' talk..

more like a girls' talk..

ok.. 1 question was posted to mie..

"what's ur criteria in ur dream guy...?"

hmm ok.. it's not an easy question..

like really not easy..

so okay luh..

i gave my 1st answer.. "someone who is not clingy"

thought that that answer will just b given a nod.. since it's my decision..

but HUH... it was being commented instead.. and it was not something that i expected..

the comment was.. "wait till u fall in love.. a few days of not seeing each other will be something that u dread a lot.."

hmm.. okay.. but what if im still okay..?

i know u're the type who cant live without a guy being with u..

or may b it's just my feelings since i've been single all my life and freedom is really mine..

where i want to go, what i want to do, who i want to talk to and go with, when i want to do my stuffs, why i want to do certain things, are all up to mie..

but seriously, there are sure certain things that i was not happy with when i go out with them...

not like how it used to be..

well, actually, i wasnt happy all along...

but i had to bottle up everything for i dont want to hurt people's feelings...

and seriously, i want to lead my own life without people telling mie what to do and what not to do..

seriously, i still find that someone whom i've been friends with since sec school is the one who can somehow understand mie..

although for sure there are certain things that i dont really like.. but it's okay for mie..

what's up with mie..?

seriously, ever since 2011 started,

i've not been in the best of health..

there will always be something that i'm suffering from..

asthma, fever, tonsilitis, flu, cough..

last few years were the best..

i've been in the pink of health..

but i know..

this is all written by God,

and i don't have the right to fight..

it's all written by Him..

some people will say, if u're always sick, it means that God loves you..

some will say, it means that u've been forgetting about Him..

i don't know..

but i do feel that something is wrong with me..

i dont feel like how i used to feel, last time..

is it because i'm growing up and how i feel is related to that..

or is it because of other certain reasons that i dont wish to write here..

i dont know..

i'm still in doubts..

whatever it is, i'll just take care of myself..

make people around me happy..

make myself happy..

and just go on with whatever is written for me..

whatever happens in the future is a surprise for me as well as everyone else..

whom i love dearly.. and whom i know loves me for what i am..

Graddy Grad Grad...!

yes..!

today, officially marks the end of my life being a poly student...

a Ngee Ann Poly Nursing student...

poly life was great... as per usual, there's ups and downs...

be it friendship, studies and everything else..

including matters of the heart..

yes...!

i do still have this feeling for this certain someone...

but i got it under control just now..

since it's like my BIG day...

so i shouldn't spoil it just because of one sided love..

it's okay..

if we're destined to be for each other, for sure we'll be back together..

and yes, i'll miss this certain someone dearly..

the times we had together.. 3 years in the same class...

n i hope there'll be a chance for us to be together again..

not as classmates, but as couple..

i don't know if it'll happen..

but still, i do hope it does..

anyways, good luck to u and may we meet again..

:)

what's happening..?

seriously...

i dont know what's going on with mie..

my health has never improve to the better side..

today, i just dont feel right..

i could feel my head spinning...

as if i got a concussion..

i know that i have been banging my head every time i feel upset..

that's a fact..

seriously..

damn..

there are sure times when i feel that my time is almost up..

i just dont know when, where, what time..

it's not up to mie..

it's up to Him..

my head's spinning like urgh...

i dont know..

hope that this will end soon...

hahahah.. love..?

yes..

i'm sitting here..

wondering..

wondering about feelings and matters of the heart..

i still dont know..

what is true love..

even, i dont know what is love..

i fail to understand what is love..

right now, i still dont know...

why this sudden appearance of this particular person in my life...

he suddenly appeared in my life and is like putting high hopes to b in love with mie..

may b not true love..

but temporarily in love with mie..

i seriously dont know if it'll turn out well..

and im still confuse to either accept him to b in my life or not.

hmmm.. the phase of growing out of my comfort zone..

i think, for this few days, i've been giving the hope..

the hope that, i hope will not break his heart if i were to reject him due to my unreadiness to b in a relationship with someone...

but there are times when i think again..

until when will i not b ready to be in a relationship..

dear you,

i hope that u dont put too much hope into being in a relationship with mie..

i would not like to break ur heart..

it's painful to break someone's heart.. because it'll break my heart as well..

i hope we can just be pretty normal friends.. platonic friendship, so called..

it's not the looks that i go for..

but the answer is in my heart..

and i fail to pour out what i'm feeling all this while..

sorry, you...